Give me struggle. Give me challenge. I will seek it out, I will create it if complacency creeps in. The mundane will attempt to engulf and pacify. The comfort of modern life will attempt to hypnotize us all into stasis. At times we all fall prey to this but in realizing it we can shake it off, find new goals and aspirations, new hurdles to overcome and new hardships to endure. This is where the growth can happen, this is where the learning transpires.
I've known the other side of it all, existing without living for years on end. Uninspired routine of getting by rather than moving forward. Hiding from life and watching it on tv rather than experiencing it firsthand. It's taken me this long to come to a conclusion, I will not settle for the mundane, the normal, the safe. This does not excite me and even though I've had periods of slumber through this lifetime there is a common thread of challenge, meeting said challenge, then creating a new one. This game will not end, there will always be a next, and another, and another ... this is my life. This is the life I will choose to lead.
I do not want the generic holiday of beach and drink. I want the busload of locals and chickens jammed so full that the roof is an optimal seat for sixteen hours with no bathroom and far too much vomit. I want the path less travelled not for the story to regale others with but for the experience of now, embracing a perspective shift which would be impossible through the comfort and normalcy of home. The blinders of routine are far too limiting, they can be shattered by so many different ventures.
I seek out the shaman's brew, exposing the self bare and seeing what truly remains. I will leave behind all that I know as safe and see how I can thrive. At times I will even leave “I” and see what else is contained within. Facing fear, experiencing the pain as the fear leaves the body, this is a choice. What remains is stronger and more concise, unburdened by the patterns and vibrations of negativity and worry. This is my aim, this is my present and future.
Rather than bask in comfort I will choose to sit beneath the tattoo needle for hours on end. I will choose the trial and I will learn about myself. I will learn how to cope and how I will react. I will run most every day, not for love of running but for the test of will when I am the only one who has a say in continuing or quitting. I will sit in silence, allowing thoughts to invade and pass, waiting for the mind to quiet and the eternal to arise. I will find new tests and venues for challenge for I know that there is much life to be lived.
There are those who will read and scoff, but why do we belittle, complain, negate ... we turn away for we do not want to face the uncomfortable. Most do not even begin to question themselves, their actions, their autopilot lives in which each day passes into the next with no growth in between. In the end we will either have a life well lived or a huge burden of regret. This is the beginning of my taking a stand against mediocrity. There is far too much to be done, seen, experienced ... I constantly feel the push for more. Time, my greatest resource is the one attribute I cannot earn or hoard or save; my only option is to be mindful of it and waste as little as possible. There's something growing and changing here, it's been years in the making and will take a lifetime more ... but I will take notice, catch myself when I slip, aim forward and inward, find that which is difficult and head towards another small victory knowing full well that another valley lies just beyond each peak. This is the life I choose.